Can't wait for the Christmas Cracker Jokes ?,
here's a few to get you started Q: Name the child's favorite Christmas king? A: A stocking. Q: Why can't the Christmas tree stand up? A: It doesn't have legs. Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A: Frostbite! Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast? A: Snowflakes. Q: What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck? A: A Christmas Quacker. Q: What do call Santa when he stops moving? A: Santa Pause! Q: Where does a snowman keep his money? A: In a snow bank. Q: How do you scare a snowman? A: You get a hairdryer! Q: How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? A: Nothing, it was on the house! Q: What do you call a snowman in the summer? A: A puddle! Q: Why does Santa have three gardens? A: So he can go HOE HOE HOE. Q: What do you get when you deep fry Santa Claus? A: Crisp Kringle! Q: What's black and white and red all over? A: Santa covered with chimney soot. Q: Why is Santa so good at karate? A: Because he has a black belt! Q: What kind of bug hates Christmas? A: A humbug. Q: What do you get when you eat Christmas decorations? A: Tinsilitis! Q: What did the reindeer say when he saw an elf? A: Nothing, reindeer can't talk. Q: What do you get if you cross an apple and a Christmas tree? A: Pineapple. Q: Which elf was the best singer? A: ELFis Presley! Q: How do you know when Santa's in the room? A: You can sense his presents. Q: What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked in the sky? A: "Looks like rain, dear." Q: Who gives presents to baby sharks? A: Santa Jaws! Q: What do elves learn in school? A: The elf-abet. Q: Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace? A: Because he wanted to sleep like a log! Q: What Christmas carol is a favorite of parents? A: Silent Night. Q: How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico? A: Fleece Navidad! Q: Where do mistletoe go to become famous? A: "Holly" wood! Q: Why do Mummies like Christmas so much? A: Because of all the wrapping! Q: What did the dog breeder get when she crossed an Irish Setter with a Pointer at Christmastime? A: A "pointsetter"! Q: What do sheep say to each other at Christmastime? A: Merry Christmas to ewe! Q: Why should Christmas dinner always be well done? A: So you can say "Merry Crispness"! Q: A Christmas thought: A: STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward. Q: What do wild animals sing at Christmastime? A: Jungle bells, jungle bells, jungle all the way! Q: What's the best thing to put into Christmas dinner? A: Your teeth! Q: What did the gingerbread man put on his bed? A: A cookie sheet! Q: What do you get when you cross a bell with a skunk? A: Jingle smells! Q: Where would you find chili beans? A: At the North Pole! Q: What kind of pine has the sharpest needles? A: A porcupine! Q: What is white, lives at the north pole and runs around naked? A: A polar bare! Q: What did one angel say to the other angel? A: Halo there! Q: Where does Santa stay when he's on holidays? A: At a Ho-ho-tel! Q: What do you call a kitty on the beach on Christmas morning? A: Sandy Claws! Q: What do you call Santa when he has no money? A: Saint "Nickel"-less! Q: Why does Santa take presents to children around the world? A: Because the presents won't take themselves! Q: Where does Father Christmas go to vote? A: The North Poll! Q: What goes oh, oh, oh? A: Santa Claus walking backwards! Q: What does Santa get if he gets stuck in a chimney? A: Claustrophobic! Q: Why is Prancer always wet? A: Because he's a "rain"-deer! Q: Which reindeer has the cleanest antlers? A: Comet! Q: Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners? A: "Rude"-olph! Q: How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming? A: He looks at his calen-"deer"! Q: Why do reindeer wear fur coats? A: Because they look silly in snowsuits! Q: Where do the reindeer like to stop for lunch? A: "Deery" Queen! Q: How many reindeer does it take to change a light bulb? A: Eight! One to screw in the light bulb and seven to hold Rudolph down! Q: What kind of music do elves like best? A: "Wrap" music! Q: What do you give a reindeer with an upset tummy? A: "Elk"-a-seltzer! Q: Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars? A: Elfis! Q: Knock Knock. … Who's there? … Hanna. … Hanna who? A: Hanna partridge in a pear tree! Q: How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas? A: He was hooked on trees his whole life. Q: Why did the elves spell Christmas N-O-E? A: Because Santa had said, "No L!" Q: Knock Knock. … Who's there? … Avery. … Avery who? A: Avery Merry Christmas! Q: Knock Knock. … Who's there? … Alaska. … Alaska who? A: Alaska Santa for a new bike! Q: Why did the elves ask the turkey to join the band? A: Because he had the drum sticks! Q: Knock Knock. … Who's there? … Donut. … Donut who? A: Donut open 'til Christmas! Q: What do you call a reindeer who wears ear muffs? A: Anything you want. He can't hear you. Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the Christmas Party? A: He had no body to go with. Q: What does Santa say to the toys on Christmas Eve? A: Okay everyone, sack time! Q: Why is it so cold on Christmas? A: Because it's in Decembrrrrrrrrrr! Q: What kind of Christmas candle burns longer, a red candle or a green candle? A: Neither, candles always burn shorter. Q: What comes at the end of Christmas Day? A: The letter "Y". Q: Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor? A: He was feeling crummy. Q: What kind of bird can write? A: A PENguin. Q: What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? A: It's Christmas, Eve. Q: What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas? A: Thanks, I'll never part with it. Q: If a reindeer lost its tail, where could he get a new one? A: At a retail store. Q: What happened to the guy who shoplifted a calendar at Christmas? A: He got 12 months. Q: Why did Santa Claus take his Christmas tree to the dentist? A: To get a root canal. Q: Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters? A: They both drop their needles. Q: What did the reindeer say before beginning his comedy routine? A: This will sleigh you! Q: Why is the turkey such a fashionable bird? A: Because he's always well dressed when he comes to dinner. Q: How did Scrooge win the football game? A: The ghost of Christmas passed. Q: What is the best Christmas present in the world? A: A broken drum - you can't beat it! Q: Why will Santa go down your chimney on Christmas Eve? A: Because it soots him. Q: What do you call an ELF who sings? A: A Wrapper. Q: Why does Scrooge love reindeer? A: Because every buck is deer to him.
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